Only Axel
by Lady Lemonade
Summary: AxelRoxas RikuSora. PWP? A crackfic my friend asked me to write. Axel begins by playing a popular game, only to take on the mighty quest of...! Locating Roxas. o.o Dangit, there's no summarizing this thing in an interesting form. Ah well. Give it a shot?


**BeforeOne-Shot Notes**: This may contain spoilers. I'm not sure, because everything in here in based on what happens by the time you reach Land of Dragons for the first time (and assuming you've played Sora's side of CoM and KH1), and from what my friends have ruined for me. If it ruins something for you... understand, I love you all deeply. This was a requested crackfic, so I'm not responsible for trauma. And thr disclaimer is in the form of 'credits'. Enjoy. O.o

* * *

No one was in there. Really. Honestly. Definitely. Absolutely. Okay… maybe. Perhaps. We don't know. But the over-sized computer was humming, not being used by anyone outside of Tron. Until the door to the room creaked open, and a cloaked head peaked through. Was it safe? Damn straight! More of damn cluttered, there was boxes of… fruit loops? …sure, fruit loops that loitered all over the place. Fruit loops were horrible, and well known for their loitering habits. Alas, because no law in Hollow Bastion forbade loitering (this was obvious from how often people stood in the same spot for maybe five weeks straight sometimes) the fruit loops remained undisturbed. The cloaked figure tiptoed over to the computer, a burned disc in hand. Checking to make sure no one was there to see him, he took out a second disc. Inserting it into the computer, a program popped up. The computer then proceeded to eating Tron, until no more of it remained. Poor Tron. A frowning net-face appeared in the small space once occupied by the Tron icon. The virus that ate Tron made Tron very sad. Tron did not want to be eaten and forgotten. Tron was then amazed when it was reincarnated as a video game, and lived happily ever after. The cloaked figure did not care. So they inserted the burned disc. 

A new program appeared, this time featuring 'The Sims' logo. Once installing the computer game, the cloaked figure smirked beneath their hood as they browsed the web for special Sim skins they could download to their desktop and use in their game. Locating the ideal ones, they went through the process to get that damn Sim into their game so they could… do things with their Sims. Using a cheat code in their game (because obviously this cloaked figure was a lazy ass that wouldn't dare bother to go through the noble cause of attempting to make a kick-ass Sim and waste about a week of their life to get their Sim to be that way and in the process turn Mortimer gay by accident. Look, the intent was to kill his wife and kids so he'd marry this other Sim! But the jerk rejected her and kept flirting with the Sims owner's cousin who was traumatized by this) they got up to 400,000 Simoleons. Teehee, simoleons… using it, they bought a nice living room set, love bed (wink wink, nudge nudge), kitchen, and the utmost important… a bathroom. Not giving a Sim a bed is like asking the Sim to go so deep into the red that the depressing Clown Sim comes over for your Sim to torment to make themselves feel better because misery loves company it can poke in highly cruel and unusual ways that are not confused with sexual harassment.

"Now… the cheat to take away the censuring on the love bed." The cloaked figure said, soon followed by a chortle. JABBERWOCKY! Silence. "What the hell is the cheat for it?" He mumbled. It was obviously a male. Because it was a deep voice. Unless it was a hermaphrodite. Or maybe an oddly masculine woman. Or a transvestite. Or dragqueen. All right, too many possibilities. IT'S A MAN! DEAL WITH IT! Yeah yeah, we know… a man with a deep voice, what the hell? We wanted to be different, you know? Sure. Mmhmm. After a few minutes of fumbling around, he growled and yanked his hood off in a slow and intentional sexy mannerism. He shook his spiky red hair, as it swayed in the wind… produced by a convenient fan. It was summer, and hot as Hades in that room. Which, wasn't saying too much because Hades wasn't all that attractive. Meaning it was freezing cold, and the man was convinced Hell froze over just to mock him because he couldn't uncensored the covered bumps of the Sim that looked exactly like him and the other Sim with an unnatural similarity to Roxas. Ooohh, Axel's a bad bad man. Yes, the cloaked man that revealed his face not but a minute and twenty-two seconds ago was indeed Axel. And he was indeed playing the Sims, an age-old enemy to Final Fantasy.

Sighing, he slouched in his seat. Now how would he pass the time? "Start a New Quest?" A blue box appeared in front of him, a small 'yes' and 'no' below the words on it. Axel gave a dodgy look, and hit yes. It was a good way to waste time. "Very well!" A strange and mysteriously gay sounding voice replied. "Go and obtain the Ocarina. It will lead you to your… uhm… Nobody-love-that-makes-you-feel-as-though-you-have-a-heart-but-don't-but-you-still-love-despite-how-you-have-no-emotions." The voice informed him.

"…like this?" Axel held up a strange ocarina thing, as his eyes were no more than inquiring dots. DOT EYES!

"Err, no. Ocarina of Time, bitch. Link has it." The voice explained.

"…so it's in Chains of Memories?" Axel blinked again, confused.

"No. Wrong link. Link as in the elf-looking dude from our greatest rivaling series… ZELDA!" The voice boomed. Was it just Axel, or was it sounding gayer by the minute? And cliché.

"But the narrator said The Sims was." Axel pointed out.

"The narrator is a fanfiction whore who denies this and is accused of doing crack. Do you really wanna believe her?" The odd voice asked.

"…very well. I will locate this, 'Link' and obtain his Ocarina of Time." Axel announced. Twenty minutes and several hours of leveling up later led to Axel holding up the Ocarina over his head as the victory theme from Final Fantasy whispered, 'Yahoo watashi-wa katsu de!' Link lay twitching in mass pain on the ground as he groped around trying to figure out what exactly just happened. He was about to get the Master Sword, when out of nowhere some nutty redhead dude threw pointy wheels of immense pain at him. Afterwards all he could remember was Epona rearing as she freaked out, stepped on all his hard-earned items (recalling this, he made a mental note to send Epona off to the horse-slaughter factory in Chicago, Illinois, United States, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy later) and he got pwned. And it wasn't even the good kind of pwned. Seeing that Link was still semi-aware of his surroundings, Axel understood he would not get the double level-up for defeating a boss unless all of it's HP (or in this case, pretty red hearts) was gone. He knocked out Link, who because Epona shattered his bottles the fairies flew away had no way of revival. Axel decided not to ask when the blonde elfen boy floated above the ground with a 'game over' sign above him. It was best not to ask. Waltzing away with the Ocarina, he didn't notice a strange 'man' (it was Zelda after her insta-sex change because she had always wanted to be the seme man in a yaoi relationship) sneaking over to Link where they proceeded to take advantage of him. For shame!

"How do you work this thing?" Axel asked the wind. The wind shrugged, and went on to form a tornado over in Kansas and toss Dorothy into the Land of Munchkins. "How does this work?" He asked a volcano. It shrugged, and went on to kill all the dinosaurs on Earth. That little brontosaurus known as Little Foot stole its lunch money. That bitch. "What do I do with this thing?" Axel asked Roy. Roy looked at him with this evil look. He was on a cell phone. He had a mini-skirt in his hand. Axel was pretty sure Roy was calling the person on the other line 'Ed'. There was something wrong with that, but Axel dared not to pursue it. The guy known as Roy just set his hair on fire, and being a bishounen it caused Axel to run in circles as he tried to save his beloved hair. It made him sexy. Without the hair, he was nothing. How would he seduce Roxas without sexy hair that made him something even though he was a Nobody and therefore nothing and yet existing? A nifty little commercial jingle began to play.

"Buy Squeeze-Enix shampoo to keep spiky hair full of volume and sproingness, and Dazzney conditioner for it to stay fluffy soft just like Axel's hair!" A voice chirped.

"…how does this work?" Axel mumbled to himself.

"Go to the Menu Screen, look at the Songs you have learned, and it'll tell you which buttons on your controller to push." A falcon suggested helpfully.

"…I only have a PS2 controller…" Axel mumbled, noticing that it did not fit into the slot on his GameCube.

"Sucks to be you." The falcon said with a nod.

"FIT ALREADY! Oh come on! It's not that big! Why does this stupid thing have to be so SMALL! They should make the holes bigger! WHY WON'T IT FIT? I JUST WANNA PLUG IT IN SO I CAN GET WHAT I WANT DAMNIT!" Axel screamed, slamming the controller's plug into the GameCube's slot. Several people just stared at Axel.

"Pervert." A girl huffed, walking off. Later, Axel gave up and used a Strategy Guide. Playing the appropriate tune, a bright glow emitted from the ground. He hopped up and down like an excited schoolgirl about to get the latest boy's love magazine featuring her favorite artist of her favorite pairing. Oohhh, so exhilarating! Yuna blinked, and glanced around. One minute Sin was joining her for a Sunday Morning Prayer, the next a strange-cloaked man was looking awfully disappointed as he stared at her in her summoner's outfit.

"I feel so taken advantage of." Axel sniffled. Yuna patted his shoulder.

"It's okay. Is there anything I can do to ease your used pain?" She asked him. Such a kind, wonderful woman she was.

"…yes. May you summon Roxas for me?" Axel asked her, giving her the biggest and most hope fullest expression he could muster. Look as though she cannot deny him!

"I may! BUT NOT HERE! For here we risk getting you used again! And I hear midnight predators are raping peoples stories at night when they sleep so that when they wake up it becomes apparent the story has been fucked up." Yuna announced.

"Wow. WoW. I need to level up my character…" Axel nodded. He took out his wheels, and placed his feet on them. Yuna hopped on his head, standing there perfectly balanced. What? A strange woman that sympathized with strange-cloaked men standing on someone's head was perfectly natural. Like mpreg. Or moobs. He began to wheel them off to a safe place. But then a spike sliced through his thigh. And it hurt.

"Holy Tidus's ass! Are you okay?" Yuna spazzed, tumbling off of his head and scrambling back up just to gawk at the huge, bleeding, gushing gash.

"Immense… horrible… pain… heyyy… Yuna, you're a White Mage. Heal meeeeee…" Axel whined. His leg hurt. It had a booboo. He needed Roxas to kiss it and make it feel better.

"Just _look_ at it bleed! It's like, squirting all over the place! Is that normal?" Yuna was distracted. Ever since Tidus left, she hasn't been the same. She became a bit morbid. And exhibited signs that made people wonder whether it was smart or not to not let the strange men cart her off.

"…I hope when you die, it's very painful. And that you never have a Nobody." Axel informed her. She ignored him. His blood fascinated her. Aeris just happened to be conveniently walking by, and tilted her head.

"What's wrong?" Aeris asked them.

"His blood is tumbling out like a waterfall on speed!" Yuna exclaimed, eyes wide.

"What she said." Axel nodded in agreement.

"…I know! I'll heal you! CURAGA!" Aeris brought down her staff, ramming Axel's cut. Axel screamed like a child that hates hypodermic needles that just got their rabies shot because some seizuring squirrel attacked them. Squirrels are more likely to attack people than sharks. That's why squirrels were used in that example, and not a raccoon that ran off with someone's acid. His leg was perfectly healed though.

"…thank you…" Axel meekly whimpered, clutching his leg. For a lady with barely any real physical strength, that hurt like a bitch. It might have had something to do with the fact lots of sharp claw-looking attachments were on the staff.

"By the power vested in me, I now summon Roxas for Axel! You may do as you please without me gawking at your bleeding limb!" Yuna shouted. The symbol of the Clow Cards appeared beneath her feet, and her Roxas summon card poofed away. Roxas was now standing next to her, confused, two KeyBlades out, and very unsure of what was going on. Yuna hopped over to Aeris, who then requested that she join her in a tea party.

"Roxas… heyyy…" Axel scooted over to Roxas, waggling his eyebrows at Roxas. Roxas wondered how he did that. It took talent. Only a talented guy like Axel could waggle his eyebrows like that. Like waggling a tail. But neither of them had a tail. But they did have eyebrows. Though only Axel could waggle his eyebrows… Axel was good like that. "What are those Keyblades? O.o" Axel did not like Keyblades. It hurt when they smashed down on your head. Or other areas Axel would rather not mention because it seemed that every Keyblade Wielder was shorter than him and kept accidentally hitting very sensitive areas.

"Roxel and Axas." Roxas told him. One of the KeyBlades had a chibi Axel head attached to it with a tongue sticking out.

"…" Axel pounced Roxas. Oh… wow… uhm… err… wow. Hands aren't supposed to go there. Oh, oh my. That's just… oh. Gotta censor that. Oh, and that! OH MY! Holy… okay, we can't be watching this. This is… just, wow. Ohh, censor! And another censor! Did he mean to do that? Oh, hope he doesn't do THAT… oh, he just did. Gotta censor that. Ack! Now him doing that to Roxas will definitely get someone banned from fanfiction dot net! Ohh, that needs to be censored. Oh, okay good… Axel is just nibbling and munching on Roxas's ear now. Now they're snogging. That is some serious snoggage right there. Tongue action going on. Oh, up gotta censor again… ack! Tongues aren't supposed to do that! …are they? Don't wanna know. Censor, censor… okay, all this censoring is getting boring. Let's find something far more entertaining.

* * *

"Crickey! Welcome to 'International Gamer'! This is Yuffie doing a special documentary on tormented bishounen of video games! Right now we're trying to locate a silver-haired one!" The great ninja said on the television in a fake Australian accent and wearing a safari uniform. Wow, her accent was bad… at least she was trying? Sneaking around like the awesome ninja she was, she stopped. "Look there! It's a Setzer! Setzer's are well known for their card abilities when they had a bit-form in Final Fantasy VI… that's FFIII for those silly Americans out there. Right. Now, Setzer's also appeared in Kingdom Hearts II, a very very delightful game where I cameo in my Advent Children outfit. I look mighty sexy in it too. Anyway, back on topic… Setzer's enjoy operas, attempting to kidnap opera singers, and was the sexy silver-haired bishounen before Sephiroth, Kuja, Ansem, and Xemnas. Mind you, Ansem was a nasty lil' rip-off of Sephiroth. Xemnas was cool though. Eh? Do you hear that…?" She asked, searching around to locate the sound of crunching. Setzer sat up, alarmed and fearful. 

"Setzeerrr!" The cry of fangirls came. Setzer's eyes widened in horror.

"Oh no! It's the Yuri Fangirls That Try To Force Setzer To Do Yaoi Things! These are scary predators of the Setzer creature, and are the exact reason why he's such an endangered species!" Yuffie gasped, watching but not helping. Setzer sprinted off, meeping. The fangirls squealed, chasing. He grabbed a mushroom, ate it, and shrunk down to his Super Nintendo bit form. He jumped into his bit airship, and then stopped even more terrified. "I can't believe it! The Yuri Fangirls That Try To Force Setzer To Do Yaoi Things have already infiltrated the Setzer's home! He is so screwed! Oh, oh! Is that Kuja? WHAT THE HELL! No! Don't do it fangirls! NO! That is not an attractive pairing! That's wrong! WRONG! …what are you doing with Kuja's purple thong? Oh, censor that! Don't get it on camera! Turn it off, do NOT record this!" The screen turned black. Wow. That was different.

* * *

A tree had magically appeared for the usage of Axel and Roxas. Trees are convenient and very nice touches to add in for random make-out scenes that people request. Axel had Roxas pinned against the tree, which isn't too surprising considering the censored scene ended not long ago. What was surprising was that both were still fully clothed. A question never to be answered. Axel liked his quest to complete his map of Roxas's mouth using his tongue as a tool to wander around. Roxas did not mind. Roxas was curious, and this was satisfying his curiosity. Lots of people are curious like Roxas. 

Riku and Sora were on a casual stroll, only to stop when noticing Axel and Roxas making out. How random. Riku stared as though what he was seeing was mind-boggling, defied logic, and ultimately confused him. Sora smiled, happy to see the two enjoying themselves. Sora is a very pure person. That makes Sora very innocent. That means Sora has no idea how wrong-sounding most things he says sounds. Riku knows however. And it makes Riku sad because it means Riku cannot do things with Sora. But that's okay. Riku and Sora are going out.

"…is he raping Roxas?" Riku spurted out.

"No. Why do you think that?" Sora asked. Sora was confused. But Riku was hot. And that defeated the confusion because it meant Sora got distracted from his confuzzled mind. Go Riku's hotness! Sora gave a thumbs up and wide smile.

"…because… he's… practically… devouring Roxas…? (What are you doing?)" Riku hinted.

"He's not really devouring Roxas… is he? (Nothing. Eheh.)" Sora was confused again. But Riku was still hot. Go Riku's hotness! Sora once more gave the smile and thumbs up.

"No, of course not." Riku coughed. No no, if Axel were REALLY devouring Roxas then they'd have to censor the yaoi scene again. "So, where's Kairi?" The silver-haired bishounen asked his brunette-turning blonde-ish boyfriend.

"Somewhere over there talking to Aeris and Yuna." Sora blinked. He was confused again. Why was Riku bringing up Kairi? Kairi wasn't hot. Riku was hot. Go Riku's hotness! For a third time, the thumbs up and smile of approval from Sora.

"…Sora is it just me… or is that fungus on that tree wiggling?" Riku asked. The fungus on the tree was indeed wiggling. It then formed upward, like a Heartless did from a shadow. Except this was fungus, and so instead it turned into a fangirl.

"Riku… that fungus just turned into a strange girl." Sora pointed at her. "Do you think it's a Nobody on crack?" He asked. Silly Sora. The only drug either Nobody's or Heartless take is steroids, or those are known as Neo Shadows. Randomly, a triangle command came on for Axel. It was called, 'pelvic thrust'. Oh my. A special attack command just for Roxas. Censoring again. The girl formed from fungus squealed joyfully. Xemnas wandered over and poked Sora.

"You have a very pretty heart. I want. Gimme." Xemnas pouted, holding out his hand. Sora's eyebrow twitched. Riku slapped his hand away.

"My uke damnit! Go ask someone else for their heart. Sora needs his. And I do too." Riku turned to Sora. "I love you."

"I love you too!" Sora hugged Riku tightly. Cloud's motorcycle was next to Riku and Sora. Okay, so maybe they weren't actually conveniently walking around, they actually drove over on the motorcycle to see where Roxas went… shush. Riku took out one of Cloud's sword, and whapped Xemnas over the head. He flinched away, and sulking whimpered off.

"Technically you just kicked a puppy…" The Fungus Fangirl said with a nod. This Fangirl was known as Ayame. This Fangirl is this narrator's friend. She's an Axel/Roxas fiend. The narrator thinks she's crazy. But maybe the narrator's crazier for writing this pos… "Scratch my ear. It'll make me feel better." Ayame the Fungus Fangirl nodded. Riku gave her a funny look, but because Sora appeared concerned that this girl got her feelings hurt he scratched her behind her wolf ears. Her eyes went half-lidded, and her tongue lolled out. Ayame was a wolf in the form of a human. Yay for animals in disguise! Sora was confused. But Riku was hot. Go Riku's hotness! A thumbs up and smile from both Ayame and Sora. After getting scratched behind the ear by the sex god known as Riku, Ayame fell over having severe convulsions because she was a happy fangirl. Ho-hum, no wonder fangirls have such short-lived lives…

"AHA! I have Kairi's heart! Not like she needs it or anything…" Xemnas mumbled.

"Put it back. She needs it to create complicated love problems for Riku and Sora in fanfictions!" Aeris scolded him. Fearing her almighty pwning ability of summoning Knights of the Round without wasting most her MP, he put the heart back. Xemnas sulked away again. Kairi got up, very confused.

"STAMPEDE!" Yuffie warned, as Setzer in his Kingdom Hearts II version self sprinted by running for his life. He felt very violated by those Yuri Fangirls That Try To Make Him Do Yaoi Things and Kuja. A herd of deranged fangirls ran by, thoroughly running over a twitching Kairi. So much gore!

"Oww… oww… pain…" Kairi sobbed. Aeris peered over her.

"Oh, dear… where does it hurt?" Aeris asked, concern lacing her voice.

"M-my leg…" Kairi continued to sob. Her entire leg had been crushed. Tears of mass pain rolled down her cheeks, as the blood pooled and gathered in the mooshed limb. Yuna stared wide-eyed at it. It was creepy.

"I'll make the pain go away!" Aeris chirped. Kairi feared her staff, but because she knew this pain it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Aeris held up Cloud's Buster Blade.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Kairi shrieked. Aeris brought down the sword. Kairi screamed. Yuna's eyes got bigger. Riku and Sora whirled to see what the commotion was about. Axel stopped molesting the willing Roxas who glanced up to see who screamed. Kairi stared at the leg that Aeris kindly amputated. "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CHOP OFF MY LEG!" Kairi demanded. One could not blame her for getting a bit peeved about someone chopping off your leg without your permission.

"Doesn't hurt anymore, does it?" Aeris asked happily.

"What kind of sick freak are you? You just cut off my leg!" Kairi waved her arms wildly. Blood gooshed from the unmanaged leg. Yuna's eye twitched. She was very fascinated. "And why do you have Cloud's sword?"

"Yeah, why DO you?" Sora inquired innocently. For some reason, seeing Kairi getting her leg hacked off did not faze him. Perhaps because he was distracted by Riku's hotness. Go Riku's hotness! He gave yet another thumbs up and smile. Okay, that joke is old. New one. Riku pulled Sora into a hug because he was so damn cute being all confused and distracted.

"How does she hold it up is what I want to know." Axel mumbled under his breath.

"Less asking, more smooching." Roxas commanded. Axel grinned.

"As you wish, your Blonde Glory." Axel resumed raping Roxas's mouth with his tongue. That doesn't seem possible. But Axel managed. Because he's good like that. Sure.

"Can you feel, the looove tonight?" Sora sang randomly, a bit addicted to bursting into Disney songs since his second adventure in Atlantica. Riku raised a brow. But Sora's singing voice was so… so… adorable! He tackled the very alarmed and even more confused Sora. Snuggle snuggle… aww, Riku/Sora snuggling! SQUEAL FANGIRLS! OR ELSE! Aeris will heal you next if you do not squeal!

"Aeris… come on, tell us why you have Cloud's sword." Tifa tried to encourage Aeris to answer the question. Aeris yanked Yuna's gun from the summoner's pocket, and proceeded to shooting Tifa repeatedly in the head.

"YOU STOLE CLOUD FROM MEH AFTER SEPHIROTH KILLED MEEE! Biyotch fanservice hoe!" Aeris snarled. The white mage was infuriated at the very sight of Tifa. "Thank you Yuna." Calmer after killing Tifa, Aeris returned the weapon to a blinking Yuna.

"What was that about?" Yuna inquired.

"Well, you see it's very complicated…" Aeris began.

"Hello? Bleeding to death down here." Kairi announced, tired of being ignored.

"Huh? Err, sure… Xemnas! Heart, here. Anyway…" Aeris was too busy trying to tell her story to know what exactly Kairi said; all she heard was 'death' and 'here'. Xemnas appeared, stole Kairi's heart, ate it, and then later died of food poisoning. Apparently buying out-dated Girl Scout cookies didn't settle well with his stomach… As Kairi's soul floated up, 'blah blah blah' could be heard. Her soul then got kicked out of heaven and went on to get reincarnated as a very angry and gender-confused pirate. "See, losing Cloud to Tifa hurt my self-image. But then when Tifa lost Cloud to Sephiroth, it made me feel better on the inside. I wasn't the problem. It was just that Cloud was gay. And that made me feel good on the inside because I wasn't an ugly and weak white mage." Aeris explained.

"I'm so inspired!" Yuna sniffled, with Sora sitting next to her near tears.

"You're such a strong person!" Sora agreed.

"…but… why do you have Cloud's sword?" Riku asked. Her story was nice and all, but it didn't explain anything other than why Aeris just shot Tifa maybe… twelve times in the head.

"Oh, Cloud has Sephiroth's sword now. He doesn't need his." Aeris explained. A long heavy silence overcame them.

"…but Sephiroth's sword is like… six feet long. How does Cloud do it?" Sora asked innocently. It did not occur to him how wrong what Aeris said sounded, nor that his question just made it worse.

"Erm… ehh…" Riku coughed. "Well, you see uhm…" He tried to explain it, but the wrongness of what they were talking was giving him horrible images.

"We may never know. But now I have this huge sword, so who cares?" Aeris laughed light-heartedly.

"Well then! That's all the time we have! G'night everyone!" Yuffie waved good-bye to everyone, still in her safari outfit and talking in that fake Australian accent. Setzer continued to try and escape his fangirls… and his newest fanboy, Kuja.

* * *

…Ending Credits… 

Small Chains of Memory Axel Sprite walked to the top of the screen. Roxas sprite waddled over to him. Riku of KH2 Sprite walked to the other side of the screen. KH2 Sora Sprite hopped over. Music began playing in the background… "Come on, and sleep with me. You know you want to sleep with me…" Riku Sprite sang to a very confused Sora Sprite. Riku Sprite then began to unzip his vest shirt thing, singing the same line over again. "Come on, and sleep with me. You know you want to sleep with me…"

…Kingdom Hearts 2 belongs to Square-Enix and Disney…

…Final Fantasy and all it's characters belong to Square Enix…

…Not sure who, but Land Before Time and all its charries belong to its owner…

…The Wizard of Oz and its stuff belongs to its creator…

…Disney stuff belongs to the corporation Disney…

...Fruit Loops belongs to Kellogs... I think...

…Card Captor belongs to CLAMP… love thy CLAMP…

The Axel Sprite turned to the Roxas Sprite. "You are young… and sexy, so just come sleep with mee…" He sang, and began to undo his cloak. Why these Sprites suddenly began stripping and traumatizing Roxas Sprite and Sora Sprite we may never really know… but they were. And for some reason, Fangirls were throwing them money.

…Zelda belongs to its Creator…

...The Sims belongs to it's wonderful creators... yay Sims!

…GameCube belongs to its inventor…

…KH: Chains of Memory is licensed by Nintendo, so…

…PS2 also belongs to its Creator…

…Axel's Triangle Command was an idea formulated by Envy-san, yay! …

…FullMetal Alchemist belongs to its proper owner…

…Ayame had several suggestions for this that were included, her ideas belong to her…

…all other ideas used to create this fanwork, belong to HP… well, non-copyrighted ones anyway…

Naminé walked over, ignoring the half nekkid Riku and Axel Sprites. Stitch was on her head, and they exchanged a look. "I'll take their left shoes, you hide the remotes, and then we meet up later to back-up all the sewage lines." Stitch nodded. "But first…" Stitch got out his ukulele, and Naminé shook up her hair to look like a J-Rocker's. "Well somebody told me, Passion is gay in English, and there's lots of shounen-ai hiiiints…" She sang. "KH2 came out in America in March, while in Japan it was previous year December 22nd…!" The rocked out, her outfit progressively becoming more lolita. "That the prologue was three hours longer! And then the logo popped up! And we wasted our time playing Chains of Memoryyyyy!" Head-bang time! "Ansem's Reports get complicated! Nobodies start appearin'! Heartless get steroids! And no one until now ever heard of Space Paranoids!" Stitch was rockin' hard on that ukulele with his fur all fluffed up like Elvis's hair. "There's shota for those fangirls! Between Roxas and Axel! And Xemnas is better than someone! But we can't say without spoilin'!" She ceased her singing. "All right Stitch. Let's go." They headed out.

…and yes. The Axel and Riku Sprites are fully nekkid now. They are exactly why this is rated 'M'. How awkward. Trying to break the silence and give this thing some sort of ending, Sora turned to Riku. "So uhm… yeah…" He couldn't think of anything. Seeing his beloved's distress, Riku asked a question that bothered him.

"Where's Donald and Goofy?" The naked silver-haired bishounen Sprite asked.

"Oh, Goofy's visiting his family." Sora Sprite answered, nodding.

"That thing has a family?" Axel Sprite ogled rudely. It's just… how?

"…what about Donald?" Roxas asked, trying to not gawk at Axel and make up for the tall redheads mannerism at the same time.

"He's in rehab. Had a serious crack problem…" Sora Sprite admitted, nodding sadly.

"Oh…" Roxas nodded. Now, to conclude this damned thing with something random.

"Remember Sora… you are the one who will open the door to the light…" That stupid voice that keeps saying that said in an enigmatic tone that only the Sora Sprite heard.

"NO!" Sora Sprite pouted. "No no no no no NO!" He would get his point across that he was not going on anymore stupid journeys! He got Riku back didn't he? He saved the worlds! WHY WOULD THAT CREEPY VOICE NOT SHUT UP! Because Square-Enix and Disney like abusing Sora. But we won't tell him that. He already got that impression due to how many people enjoy making him suffer from the unusual amount of rape fanfictions. Mmhmm.

* * *

Back with the real four, and fully clothed Axel and Riku… Riku picked up Sora, and the two hopped on Cloud's motorcycle. Their cute shounen-ai love powered the vehicle, and it magically began to fly up into the evening sky… bubbles instead of nasty smoke came out, and the sky turned pink surrounded by gorgeous roses. 'Dearly Beloved' played in the distance, and the two flew off into the sky so they could get back home where they would cuddle and watch anime all night long. Too bad though they were unaware that Stitch hid their remote, Namié stole every left shoe in their house, and the bathrooms wouldn't smell right for a long time until the sewage lines were fixed after some nutcases stuffed it full of clay.

* * *

Back with the real four, and fully clothed Axel and Riku… Riku picked up Sora, and the two hopped on Cloud's motorcycle. Their cute shounen-ai love powered the vehicle, and it magically began to fly up into the evening sky… bubbles instead of nasty smoke came out, and the sky turned pink surrounded by gorgeous roses. 'Dearly Beloved' played in the distance, and the two flew off into the sky so they could get back home where they would cuddle and watch anime all night long. Too bad though they were unaware that Stitch hid their remote, Naminé stole every left shoe in their house, and the bathrooms wouldn't smell right for a long time until the sewage lines were fixed after some nutcases stuff it full of clay. Axel turned to Roxas. "You know… as Nobodies, we can only imitate love." He said seriously. Roxas blinked, and then sweat-dropped. 

"That has to be the dumbest pick-up line."

"Hey, it's unique isn't it?" Only Axel…

* * *

HP's Reports (Author's Notes): If you have any questions… it's all right. I have my questions too. When they have answers, I'll gladly give them. And idears given to me by Ayame and Envy-san! And no. This was not beta-read. Spell-Check was all that was used. Fear my typos. O.o 

Ne Ne: If you have read 'Cherries', an older RikuSora fanfiction (oh, but how marvelously written it was!) that used to be on this site can you let me know? I've been trying to find it's writer, but she changed her penname (it used to be plotbunny, dunno what it is now). If you have any info, I'd love you forevah!


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